Pidge's Guilt
by Efab
Summary: Pidge is guilty about something- something she'd rather not admit. Something she doesn't want to tell the other paladins. /What do you think should I continue the story or no?/ Sorry for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, I try to keep my eye out but some slip under the radar :/ Thanks for reading!
1. Chapter 1

"I just don't know what to do!" Pidge cried into Hunks soft, bouncy chest. He was warm and familiar, providing at least some comfort. Hunk wrapped his huge arms around the small paladin, bringing her close as she wept. The others all looked at her fondly, Shiro placed his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. The only ones who were missing were Keith and Lance- they were out for the day doing reconnaissance on a nearby Galra planet.

Allura wasn't used to such displays of emotion, so she stood back, whereas Coran seemed to know exactly what to do, spewing words of reassurance to the small girl. "Don't worry Pidge! I'll all work out!" His eyes were kind, his words meant to encourage. Pidge knew how hard they were all trying- But it didn't matter. How could they forgive her after she told them the truth? She could see them all pushing her away, throwing her out and turning their backs on her forever- these, the people she loved. The people she trusted; and she betrayed them.

She was disgusted with herself.

It all started a couple of days ago. Everyone was in the castle- everyone except Pidge. She was at the Galra ship crash site, trying to salvage what she could from the wreck. So far she had a few basic supplies: metal sheets, wires, the Galra equivalents of nuts and bolts, and some more devices she couldn't identify.

She was bringing them back to study them, find out what they are, what they were used for, and if they could be any use to the team.

It was in Pidge's nature to be inquisitive and resourceful, it was part of the reason she was the pilot of the green lion, and such a valued member of team Voltron.

This came at a price however, although she was great at understanding machinery and science, she was lass adept at understanding people; she still loved her team members though. They were more than friends- they were family to her, and that was part of the reason she was able to connect with them so well.

But she would never stop looking for her real family. Her brother and father were still out there somewhere. Out in the vast, infiniteness of the universe. She would never stop looking for them, devoting her every waking hour to try to make herself and her team stronger so one day she could bring them all home.

She compiled her loot in her arms and prepared to fly out of the wreckage- but then she heard a sound. A cry- maybe from one of the Arusians. Pidge dropped the scraps quickly and flew to the source of the sound.

She landed on the rocky terrain next to an Arusian -as Pidge suspected- and saw its gaze was directed at a shadow in the sky. Pidge attempted to calm the Arusian. "Help Us! Save us from the beast of darkness- come to destroy all good and peaceful!" The alien begged. "Don't worry!" Pidge was panicked- the shadow loomed overhead, and she had to ease this Arusian's mind, or at least get them to safety. Their village wasn't far, she could fly the Arusian back to it's village, or go get the other Paladins. By the time one task is completed, whatever is in the sky will definitely have landed, Pidge calculated. There was only one option that guaranteed the safety of this defenceless alien. Pidge scooped them up and flew back to the village, carefully placing the creature on the ground, and warning the others to stay indoors before she flew back.

Pidge saw the ship as she returned- it had landed, and was bigger than any ship she had seen yet on the surface of Arus- and seemed to be built in an entirely different way. Pidge ducked below some foliage for cover. She attempted to use the communicator in her helmet to contact someone- but it would only work if someone else was wearing their helmet as well. "Is anyone there?" Pidge didn't attempt to hide the desperation in her voice. "Please- c'mon guys I need backup here!" She fiddled at the mic on the helmet to do what she could, but to no avail. She inhaled deeply. She was going to have to go in. The others would realise eventually, but this ship was here for a reason and whatever it was it wasn't good. Pidge had to act now. Nimble as an elk, she dashed through the terrain and around the ship. She spied three separate entrances- One was the main entrance, a few gala were posted there, another was a side entrance with some activity moving through it, but more possible coverage, and finally was an escape hatch on the curved roof of the ship- with Pidge's skills she should be able to break through undetected in a matter of seconds.

She went with the final option, and seamlessly climbed to the hatch unnoticed. She had a small set of tools with her, she fumbled with the tools in the hatch as quietly as she could. Pidge was finding this more difficult than anticipated, and the stress of the situation was making her usually steady hands shaky and pale. She had just managed to break through when she dropped the tools. They clanged against the ship as they fell, drawing the attention of some Galra- Pidge didn't have time to worry about that. She slid through the hatch and landed inside a corridor, one side lined with prison-like cells. She darted through, listening for any implication of a Glara soldier nearby. She knew they knew she was there- but they didn't know where exactly she was yet.

She didn't know what specifically she was looking for, but anything of interest or unknown purpose was a suspect. She just had to destroy whatever plans they had laid out… without knowing what they were. Easier said than done.

Pidge had ran through almost half a mile of unoccupied hallway before she realized something was wrong. Why hadn't she bumped into anything yet? She slowed to a stop. Where was everyone? Pidge looked down the desolate hall, into the void. She then instantly became aware of another presence around her, making her fells as though she was being observed like an animal in a zoo.

She looked around her to try to justify this- and saw many tiny lenses all along the hall. So they were watching her. She closely examined the lense, they were fisheye, and tinted purple. Most likely too strong to break, and too many anyway. It was at this point that Pidge realised she had fallen right into their trap.

She ship rocked as it began to launch back into the atmosphere, with the Green Paladin trapped aboard. "Allura! Hunk! Keith! Please Someone answer!" She begged. "I'm in the Galra ship! I messed up! Help!" She desperately tried to contact the other members of her team; She had no other option. Up till now she thought she had the upper hand, but now she realised that she had been playing in the palm of their hand the whole time. The other Paladins were her only chance now. She ran through the corridors in a panic, trying to locate some way out. The way she entered had been re-locked and without her tools she had no chance of opening it again.

She should have seen this coming- it was far to easy to break in in the first place. She could kick herself about it later but right now she had to get out of this ship. She hears the engines familiar whir as the ship began its launch, Pidge became frightened. She didn't know what was going to happen, and was starting to lose hope. It was around this point that Pidge wasn't getting out of this ship- at least not today. For now, her priority should be to hide. Pidge spied the air ducts, similar in size to the ones she frequently visits in the Castle. it might be her only chance, she thought, so she whipped out her Bayard and sliced off the metal cover and crawled inside. There were no cameras in here, so after a while of moving around she was good and hidden, but it was only a matter of time until they found her. There was no unguarded way out of the ventilation system by means of which she could escape.

The ship had taken off at least an hour ago.

What were they doing? Pidge still hadn't figured it out. Why did they land? was it specifically a trap- to lure her or one of the others into infiltrating the ship only to get caught. If that was the case- what were they intending to do now they had her?

Pidge had a highway connecting four tributaries, vents that all stopped in rooms a short distance away, and a perfect spying point into the main control room. Pidge couldn't get out this way. From what she could tell, she was right in the heart of the ship, but she could at least figure out what they were doing and maybe some way to stop them.

"Commander Sendak, Still no sign of the Green Pilot though they are presumed to be still aboard." Pidge overheard.

"I know they are on the ship." His dark voice made Pidge feel sick. "Send an alert to the Paladins- and give me a line to broadcast through the ship" the Galra saluted, nodded, and exited.

Pidge leaned back. Whatever their demand for her was, it couldn't be good- and from what she could tell she was being used as a hostage? "No." she said to herself. "You haven't caught me yet."

"Attention, to our infiltrator. If you reveal yourself now, we will not call your friends, and if you meet some of our simple demands, we will let you go home. Isn't that nicer than running through the vents, little mouse?" Pidge was mad. But she didn't really have another choice, and apparently they hadn't told her team- She could get this overweigh before they even know about it.

"Meet us in room 382A" the voice demanded. She knew where that room was, it was along the highway route. They knew she was in the vents- they could kill her any time easily and she'd be trapped- she had no other option.

She sliced open the vent to room 382A and dropped into the room, Commander Sendak was positioned in front of the door, with at least two dozen armed guards aside him. "Okay" Pidge said, "what do you-" she was cut off, sensing something behind her she turned but she got knocked out.

Pidge felt the cold floor under her face before she felt the pain. Whatever hit her hit her hard, it must have taken a gouge from the side of her face. Not only that, but her one ear seemed muffled. Pidge raised one achey arm to check, and pulled away with blood. "Jeez" she winced. "Sorry about that" a voice crept from the edge of the room, "But we needed a assurance that you wouldn't attack." Pidge felt and absence of her Bayard and helmet. She sat up, determined not to look inferior. "So, what do you want?" she asked, calmly. "Well, aren't you cooperative" he laughed. "Weaknesses. Everyone has them. Give us a weakness of every person in your team, and we will let you go". Pidge took in the words, looking for loopholes and tricks. "What- what if I don't know any weaknesses?" she asked. "Then we'll take it you're the weakness- and then I doubt you'll escape any time soon." Pidge knew that the other paladins would come for her if summoned, putting themselves in perhaps more risk than her other option. Pidge stood up tall, in an attempt to appear calm, or maybe strong, Pidge didn't quite know. "Don't Play games with me, Paladin" Sendak grabbed Pidge's bleeding face in his clawed, reptile-esque hand, Pidge flinched in pain but bit her lip. Then he pushed her down with immense force, her head bashed against the floor a second time and she gasped in pain. "Don't even try." And with that he left the room, the small paladin lying on the floor once again.

Pidge could feel the side of her face swelling up. She knew she needed medical attention eventually, but it would have to wait.

Pidge felt a crack as she was thrust against a wall yet again- blood was dripping down her arm from a new wound on her left shoulder. it was bloody and raw- as was the one on her face and upper calf. Both her legs were now plastered in bruises and cuts from the torture inflicted upon her. If they kept up like this, she would black out; She let out a wail of desperation as she threw herself towards the door to try by any means to get through, but the Galra soldier pulled her back by her arm and thrust her once again against the wall. Pidge had never been in this much, continuous pain, tears were in her eyes as her face was pushed harder and harder into the wall, leaving a smudge of blood and tears. "fine-" she coughed. "I'll tell you". The soldier forced her down onto her knees in a final act of hostility. "Thats exactly what we needed to hear."

Pidge was barely conscious, but she told them. She told them as little as she could- but they wouldn't hesitate to kill her and frankly she wasn't sure if they knew she could die if she didn't get medical attention. And then they wouldn't be able to form Voltron to defeat zarkon- he would already have won.

The Galra released Pidge, as they had promised, on to Arus. She stumbled back to the Castle unfollowed, and saw Keith sitting at the entrance. Then she breathed a sigh of relief, and collapsed on the stairs. "Pidge!" Keith yelled, running over to assist her. He looked at her wounds. He knew it was bad. "I've got her!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, scooping her up in his arms and sprinting back inside. The others all looked over the battered, unresponsive girl, with fresh blood oozing from black wounds. "Get her into a healing pod now!" Shiro ordered.

Pidge was frozen in the pod for a whole week before she recovered enough, but after that she would need to revisit the pod every night for the next week for the longer healing process.

"Wherever she was, whatever she was doing, it wasn't good." Allura said. "We're lucky she got home when she did- otherwise she could have-" Allura didn't finish her sentence. She didn't have to, looking at everyones solemn faces. They all already knew. "But she's gonna be fine." Shiro said to the paladins, as a way to remind them that they were fine, and what could have happened didn't. They all smiled softly in return.

When Pidge got out of the Pod, it was like she'd never been hurt in the first place. Any wounds she had were long gone, leaving not even the faintest of scars. She was greeted with all the smiling faces of her team, bar Lance and Keith, and was treated to a meal of goop and strange plants, cooked lovingly by Hunk. But she didn't really have an appetite. The weight of what she did still weighed heavy in her mind, though she could not remember all of the details. She was beat up pretty bad. But she knew she had betrayed the other paladins, and that made her sick to her stomach. After her meal Hunk offered to escort Pidge to her bedroom, to which she agreed. On the way, as they walked down the hall Pidge had a flashback. It was powerful and clear- she felt the pain all over again and felt the guilt submerged her like a wave- her body became heavy and she dropped- but luckily Hunk managed to catch her before she hit the ground. He held her up, supporting her arms, "Pidge? Are you okay Pidge?" He said. Pidge breathed, and the flashback subsided. "Y-Yeah" she nodded. Tears welled in her eyes. "Pidge what's wrong?" Hunk looked at the young paladin, her face as white as a sheet. She looked like she could collapse again at any moment- He wasn't going to leave her in her room like this. He lifted her up in his arms and brought her back to the main room where the others were seated. "Pidge, can you tell us what happened?" Shiro asked. Hunk was now sat next to her, she was leaning on his chest slightly for support. Pidge stayed silent. "Pidge, we don't want to put you through the.. the pain.. again.. But pushing it down won't help either" allura said. She put a hand on Pidges shoulder- but Pidge swiped it off aggressively, "No!"

Pidge looked shocked at her own outburst.

"I- I'm sorry." The tears reformed as she looked down.

"I just don't know what to do!" Pidge cried into Hunks soft, bouncy chest. He was warm and familiar, providing at least some comfort. Hunk wrapped his huge arms around the small paladin, bringing her close as she wept. The others all looked at her fondly, Shiro cautiously placed his hand on her shoulder.

Allura wasn't used to such displays of emotion, so she stood back, whereas Coran seemed to know exactly what to do, spewing words of reassurance to the small girl. "Don't worry Pidge! I'll all work out!" His eyes were kind, his words meant to encourage. Pidge knew how hard they were all trying- But it didn't matter. How could they forgive her after she told them the truth? She could see them all pushing her away, throwing her out and turning their backs on her forever- these, the people she loved. The people she trusted; and she betrayed them.

She was disgusted with herself.

But she knew she had to do something.


	2. Chapter 2

Pidge told them. She told them everything, in all of its horrific detail.

She needed her teammates to be prepared for what she had inflicted upon them to have any chance at beating Sendak.

Pidge could remember everything now, and though the physical pain was gone, she could still remember the feeling of her flesh tearing, her body bruising and her bones breaking.

She didn't want to re-live those memories but for the sake of her team's safety, she had to in as much detail as possible. So she would. And she did.

She was terrified. Terrified of rejection, of alienation, of disgust- but the other paladins seemed to feel her pain when she told her story; instead of blaming her, they comforted her when she needed it most. And she definitely needed it most right at that moment. She was enveloped in an embrace from all of her team- Hunk, Lance, Keith, Shiro, Coran, and Allura all held her in their arms gently, and Pidge could feel their warmth and love calming the scars left on her mind.

Allura stood up. "All right paladins, what's done is done. I'm going to track down the Galra ship that abducted Pidge- Coran, you can help me. The rest of you should get to training." Her eyes studied the faces of her friends reassuringly. "Try your best to overcome your weaknesses." Her face turned solemn, and grave. "It may be our only hope."

Hunk, Lance, and Keith all ventured up to the training deck to help each other overcome their weaknesses, whilst Pidge looked for ways to hack into the Galra ship from her laptop. Shiro stayed to keep an eye on her.

"I understand, you know."

Shiro wasn't looking at Pidge, so she wasn't sure if he was talking to her.

"You.. Understand?" She was visibly confused.

"I understand why you're working so hard."

Pidge looked at him. She didn't realise before, but her hands were stiff and achy. "You need to know that you did an excellent job out there. Better than even I would have. You couldn't have done any better." He walked towards her and sat beside her. "Yeah, but I still wasn't good enough." She sighed, looking into Shiro's grey eyes. Her vision fell on the scar across his face. Guiltily, she looked away. Shiro noticed.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Pidge. Just know that I've had my fair share of bumps and bruises.. and regrets. But you have to keep moving forward." He looked directly into her jade eyes, making Pidge feel invaded- uncomfortable. She didn't know why. Maybe she was ashamed. She looked away.

"Just don't force yourself, don't race ahead. You'll get there in your own time."

Slightly comforted, Pidge looked back at his face, across his scar, and into his eyes. She knew exactly what he meant. She nodded.

"I'm going to check on Coran and Allura's progress. You should take a break." Shiro stood back up, and Pidge reluctantly closed her laptop- but she slipped her fingers underneath to stop it closing completely.

When Shiro had left, she stood up too. She headed for her room.

It was easy enough for him to say those things, but what was she supposed to do?

The fact was she had betrayed her team members. There was no way of sugar coating it. And now- well, she would do whatever was in her power to make it right. Even if it meant she got stiff, achy hands, and tired eyes. It was a small price to pay if she could make even the slightest bit of difference. She closed the door to her room, and despite her better judgment telling her not to, she locked the door. She planted the laptop atop her junkyard of a desk, pushing aside a pile of papers with a flourish. She flipped the screen open, implanted the headphone wires into the laptop and placed the headset over her ears.

She was looking to break into the Galra system, to eavesdrop and spy using the same cameras they used against her. She sifted through feedback and binary for what seemed like hours until she noticed a spike in radiation. She narrowed the field of data and found the ship's system, and after a minute of intense hacking, she cracked it. She now had access to all 10,000 cameras on board, all monitors and speakers could be controlled by her (if and when she wanted to use them). For now, no-one knew of her presence. And it would stay that way- until she came up with a plan.

—

Lance blocked an attack from the training robot expertly, grabbing its wrist and spinning through to hold its arm behind its back firmly.

"Good job, Lance." Keith's reassurance was welcome to Lance, for once.

What it took months for Keith to learn on his own was being taught to lance in as little time as possible, luckily Lances weakness was Keith's strength. The two formed an alliance and with Keith's masterful training, Lance was picking it up at an amazing rate.

"Woah yeah! Bring on the next one!" Lance yelled, filled with surprising enthusiasm.

—

"Okay, Hunk. Zero in on your target. Steady your breathing," Lance observed Hunk as he held the small laser gun, an unusual but vital accessory.

"Now, in one motion, pull the trigger."

As the words left Lances mouth Hunk did exactly that, the beam of light sped across the room and landed on the second ring of the bullseye.

"Again." Hunk agreed.

The drill was repeated until everyone felt safe. Secure.

It was less of a security measure and more of a coping mechanism.

Despite this, everyone was learning faster than ever and progress seemed smooth. That is, until the attack began.

—

It started with a rumble. The castle shook violently on the surface of Arus with the force of an earthquake. Loose materials fell from the ceiling and other surfaces, including Pidge's desk. "Oh, man! C'mon!" Pidge yelled, frustratedly as she tried to piece together a lump of Galra circuitry she had been tinkering around with for nearly a month. It had smashed to pieces from the quake- along with plenty of other items from Pidge's crowded room. Luckily her laptop had been saved by her panicked, desperate grab. She looked at it, checking it hadn't been damaged. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it wasn't, and immediately went back to work on it, trying to track the ship's exact coordinates. It had landed on Arus about half a mile away- Pidge looked through their cameras and saw Galra soldiers pouring through the halls and out the exits with the undeterred power of a tsunami. The attack had begun.

Allura contacted the Arusians Immediately to warn them. "You must evacuate Immediately- go underground if you can- and do not come out until I contact you again." She ordered authoritatively.

Hunk, Lance and Keith came flying in from the deck immediately and stood to attention. "Get to your Lions, Paladins- Wheres Pidge?" As she finished her sentence, the youngest member burst in with her laptop in hand. "I'm on it!" She ran back off. The rest of the team followed. Shiro was last to exit. He looked at Allura and smiled reassuringly. "Good luck," She said. "Thanks, Princess." He left for his Lion.


End file.
